“Good God, if your song leaves our lips, if your work leaves our hands, then we will be wanderers and vagabonds. They will stare and say how empty we are, how the freedom we had turned us up as dead men. Let us be cold, make us weak. Let us, because we all have ears. Let us, because we all have eyes. Good God, how they knew that this would happen; they knew, they knew that this would! We’re so run down. Good God, can you still get us home? How can we still get home? I’m not dreaming; we’re forgetting our forgiveness.”
That was the lyrics to “Too Bright to See, Too Loud to Hear” by Underoath. If we lose track of who God is and what He has done, then we’re lost. Simple as that. We need God to break us down to the point where we need him, because we all know what He did for us. Somehow, the world expected us, as Christians, to fail; they were banking on it. But we’re so worn out, so what do they expect? Can God still take us back? Have we really, really forgotten what Christ did for us? We… forgot.
I feel like I’ve prayed this prayer too many times. The “my God, where have I been?” prayer (Underoath, “Desperate Times, Desperate Measures”). I just… take this all for granted. God gave me a gift, Jesus Christ, and I’ve just kind of blown it off. Then something happens that gets me thinking, and I get to such a low that suddenly I’m screaming those words. And it’s then that I realize it: I’m forgetting my forgiveness. So I repent, truly repent, and God forgives. He always does. So if I’m truly repenting, then why do things seem to go back downhill? Why is there still a cycle? Am I that self-centered? I’m just so worn out… so tired. The world, it’s messing with me. It wears on my mind, my heart. So what do I do now?
God, fix me. I don’t understand why I allowed myself to get here, but I hate it. God, I need your help, because there’s no way I can do this myself. It’s impossible. It seems like every time things start to go well, I begin to rely on my own strength. What strength? I’m weak. I can’t do anything on my own. Who was I kidding? Forgive me for being selfish. Forgive me for focusing on Colby Davis. Without you, I’m nothing, but “I can do all things through [you], who strengthens me,” (Philippians 4:13, ESV). I want to start over. I know you’ve forgiven me for my mistakes, but help me to see that, day in and day out. Help me to forget me and seek you instead. You told me you know what you intend to do with my life and that I’m a part of your plan (Jeremiah 29:11). So screw my plans. There doesn’t even seem to be much hope in them. But in you, I can find hope and peace. In you, I can be free. Free of worry and pain and anger and depression and fear and anxiety and all the other crap I deal with. I know that for a fact, so help me to remember it. There’s a few billion people in this world who have no true hope, and I have a chance to give them that hope. Give me the courage to take that chance! ”Consume me from the inside out,” (Hillsong United, “From the Inside Out”). In Christ’s name, amen.
Wow. Basically, if you’re even still reading, that wasn’t planned. I was more content with sulking. But I couldn’t sit there and write about how I was “forgetting my forgiveness” without remembering it again. Christ died for me, because of something I did, and I can’t simply ignore that. That would be foolish. So what about you? Yeah, you’ve probably done some serious stuff. Maybe stuff that you feel you can’t be forgiven for. Maybe you’re the one asking, “how can [I] still get home?” Or maybe you think you’re doing great. You aren’t very messed up at all. You can rely on yourself. Well, you just saw me experience both. It comes down to this: I’m messed up because I’m a human being. Regardless of whether I’m a goody-two shoes or a serial killer, God sees me in the same way as both Billy Graham and Adolph Hitler: a sinner. You’re in the same boat. But God sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die for you and pay that death penalty so that you, (insert name), could go to heaven and spend an eternity there. No matter how good you’ve been, you still deserve an eternity in hell (a very real place); yet no matter how bad you’ve been, you can still reserve your spot in heaven (also a very real place). If you haven’t done this yet, I encourage you, no, I urge you, to do so. Believe what Christ did for you, and let it change your life for the better. If you have questions, PLEASE contact me at [email protected] or visit this website: http://www.eeinternational.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=31469. I guarantee you will start to see some amazing things happen.
For those of you who already truly believe that Jesus Christ is your one and only Savior, that’s awesome! Now what are you doing about it? Maybe you’re in seminary, or on the mission field, or leading a Bible study, or witnessing to friends, and that’s all great! Or maybe you don’t really feel like a Christian at all. Maybe you feel fake. Well, you aren’t alone. Recent polls suggest that only 8-10% of Christians actually share their faith on a regular basis. That means that between 90-92% of true believers do not. More times than not, I have been in that second group. I’ve hit my dry spells, but God always takes me back and can do the same for you. Regardless of which category you fall into, this is a perfect reminder of what Christ did for us. And yeah, the first time I saw it a couple years ago, I cried too.