Colby J. Davis

She wasn’t ignorant of the circumstances. Soon after her diagnosis, she started writing. She didn’t have much time. Certainly not enough. So she wrote. Letter after letter. It was what she was made for. The wisdom she had intended to pass on could no longer be given in person. So she wrote. Her love pushed her on, even in her final months. The handwriting became shakier, the letters shorter, but, nevertheless, she wrote. She wrote for us. We were too young; we couldn’t possibly understand everything she had to tell us. Some letters were saved for certain landmarks in our lives. Graduation. Marriage. Children. Others were for when the time was right. Dad knew what to do with them. And, when she passed on, we began to open them. Slowly. There are still many left inside the fireproof box she filled. Many I have yet to see. I can be patient. It was what she intended.

Today, I found my response. I didn’t realize that I was looking for one. Now, it’s clear that I was. I didn’t write it. I wish I did. Yet, in a sense, I think I have. Sitting outside, staring at the stars. It’s not like she can hear, but I talk anyway. She’s in a better place; the things of this earth are the least of her concerns. I guess it’s for me, not her. And, of course, God listens in. We talk. He listens. He comforts. I’m not crazy. I just miss her. She would understand. This sums it all up, though. Every thought, every feeling, every emotion. For all the letters, here is mine.

Dear Mom,

It’s been eleven years since I saw you
Since I said goodbye to
Everything I knew
I thought that day would never come
Well, I guess that I was wrong cause
It’s already come

I miss the smiles I miss the laughs
Sometimes I wish that things could just go back
To the way they used to be
When you were with me

Take me back to all those times
That we knew back before
When we were running we were playing
And we still knew nothing more
The innocence we had could never last forever
And mommy look at what I learned to play today
Do you think that I’ll be famous one day
When you see me now I hope I make you proud

So I’ll spread these wings and try to fly
And if I fail at least you know I tried
I hope that I make you proud
Even if I fall

It’s time to say goodbye it’s now or never
It has to end somewhere nothing lasts forever
I loved you then I still love you now
And I know nothing ever changed it
No, not then, not now

Life can change so suddenly
So thanks for taking care of me
I hope that I make you proud

Much Love,
Your Son

“Proud” by The Icarus Account. Edited for context.
Click here to listen.

Alright guys. Since this is actually a legitimate blog, I’m going to do a quick disclaimer. What I am posting below is actually for an assignment for my Personal Computers class, in which I am asked to read 2 Corinthians 1-4 and then blog about it. If we already had a blog, we could use it. So here goes. It’s supposed to be brief, so I will probably add to it later. I have no idea where this is headed. :)

So I was reading 2 Corinthians 1-4 today, and I just thought I’d encourage you to check it out. Here, we see Paul writing his second letter to the Church in Corinth, and he really just begins to pour out his heart to these people. It is clear that he deeply regrets his inability to visit, for he has much to say. This letter must suffice. He then begins give encouraging pieces of advice that are just as practical now as they were to the Corinthians of that day. There is hope in his words, and it is clear that he cares immensely for the audience to whom he writes. Just take a look at this passage. You undoubtedly gain much from this.

Other parts to the assignment:

1. Eric Freeman is the speaker for the Conclusion.
2. The 2010 theme for the IMB is “Are We There Yet?”
3. The 2011 annual meeting of the SBC will take place in Phoenix, Arizona.

Tonight, I’m feeling extraordinarily passionate. I wish I felt this way more often, but I admit I don’t. In high school, I held back a lot. I have some serious regrets in my life, but my biggest is that I never said what I’m about to share. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I’m slightly skeptical. You also probably know that I don’t believe something without serious thought. Honestly, I would be an idiot to do so. When making a serious decision in life (such as a college or career choice), there should be some serious thought involved. So, before I go into details, know that this isn’t simply a tangent; it’s legit.

Basically, I’m a really messed up person. I mean, let’s face it, isn’t everyone? What does it mean to be “good” anyway? I know some people who, in my eyes, are really “good” people, but they’re still messed up. They still have problems. So, in that case, are they really good? I’m not. It might look like I have it together, but I really don’t. And, in reality, anyone who claims they do is probably lying to you. But I’ll be honest. I’m a terrible person. Simple as that. I could go into details, but that would take to long. Let’s just say I’m selfish. I think about Colby Davis a lot. But I’m one of, what, almost seven billion people on this planet? So how can I possibly think the world is about me?

But you do it too, don’t you? Come on, think about it. You think about yourself all the time. How can I make such an accusation? Because everyone does. It’s normal. But why? You’re one of seven billion people. And, if you died right now, the other 6,999,999,999 people would still keep going. Sure, a really minimal number of them would be upset, but life would go on, and the world would keep spinning. Now doesn’t that make you feel insignificant? I feel pretty unimportant right now personally. So why I am making us all seem like losers? It’s quite simple really. I’m trying to get you to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around me or you.

Okay, cool. So the world doesn’t revolve around you. Well, who does it revolve around? President Obama? The United States? Oprah? The evening news? Well, bad news. We lose any of those, and you’ll still be alive. Yeah, I’m sure there would be some serious repercussions, but you’d probably still be alive. So would a majority of the rest of the world. In fact, there are parts of the world that wouldn’t give two craps if the US disappeared. If you disagree with me, go visit a little continent called Africa, and find the remote tribes that have never even heard of it. Pretty sure they would be fine.

Well, the world must revolve around somebody. There must be some reason it even exists. Or maybe it was an accident. If it is, that’s one impressive accident. Ever heard of the Watchmaker Analogy? Say you’re walking through the woods. You’re hundreds of miles from civilization, with nothing but plants and trees and animals. Suddenly, you happen upon a watch. A pretty, gold, ticking watch. How do you know that it isn’t a part of nature? Because it isn’t natural. It’s way too complex. Someone left it there. You know that watches don’t grow on trees. And, even if you haven’t seen a watch before, you still know that it’s impossible for it to have just appeared. Somebody actually MADE that thing, and then, somebody left it there.

So let’s look at the universe. Would you agree that it is at least slightly more complex than a watch? I would hope so. But yet we assume that it just happened. Would you assume that with the watch? That it just happened? Probably not. But the universe did? And the people with the knowledge to create that same watch did? Just accidentally? Doubtful.

Okay, so say you’re following so far. If not, then you won’t really get the rest; please contact me, because I’ll be happy to discuss this more. If you’re following, you know that I’m implicating that God created the universe. Fact about God: He’s perfect. Again, if you disagree, contact me. Therefore, a perfect God would undoubtedly design a perfect universe. In fact, Genesis 2 specifies that God “made man in His own image and likeness” (and I’m paraphrasing there). So God designed man (people) to be perfect.

Wait, we’re not perfect! We just discussed this. Well, God also gave us a wonderful little feature called “decision-making.” The first two people He created, known notoriously as Adam and Eve, came with that ability installed, and so did the rest of us. Their choice was simple. Eat from the tree they weren’t supposed to eat from, or obey God and don’t. If you don’t know the whole story, check out Genesis 3 (at the beginning of the Bible or searchable at www.biblegateway.com). Bad news: they ate. First people to ever disobey God. Unfortunately, that really screwed things up. Suddenly, God’s perfect universe wasn’t so perfect. Hence the fact that there are so many things wrong with the world, and with us.

More bad news: since God is perfect, and we aren’t, it’s impossible for us to be with Him. Of course, I’m talking about heaven. Heaven isn’t messed up; it’s still perfect. So, if we showed up in our imperfect, that really screws things up, and suddenly heaven is wrecked too. And it gets worse: we have to pay for what we’ve done. Everyone knows that there are consequences for our actions. Well, to be blunt, the consequence for our actions is eternal separation from God… in hell. I don’t need to clarify that this is a really bad thing. If you’re confused, message me.

Great, so we’re all condemned to hell. Well, God made us, so that’s not something that He’s really cool with either. Seems like a disaster, but here’s the good news. Finally. God fixed this problem. He took care of our punishment. It couldn’t be ignored. The government isn’t going to ignore your fifteen speeding tickets either. It had to be taken care of, and God did it.

How? That’s right, I’m talking about God’s son Jesus Christ. I’m sure you’ve heard the story. Jesus, as both God and man, came to earth and lived a perfect life. Totally perfect. Before you say that’s impossible, remember that He’s God. But, since He was also fully man, He still went through all the same crap you and I have been through. Then He gets condemned for doing nothing wrong. The people scream that they want Him dead, capital punishment for no crime whatsoever. If you’ve seen Passion of the Christ, you know what happened next. Or you can read John 19. They executed Him in the same way that they executed murderers, by nailing his hands and feet to a cross and letting Him hang until His lungs collapsed. Extremely painful. However, unlike the other prisoners who had died in this manner, He hadn’t done anything wrong. He did this for us. You and me, and everyone else who has ever and will ever live.

By this point, the situation seems bleak. We’ve been condemned to hell, and Jesus is dead, which seems to accomplish nothing. However, if we move ahead to John 20, we find some really good news. Three days later, a few ladies went to Jesus’s tomb (which was actually a cave with a giant bolder in front of it) for some traditional burial procedures. They showed up, and this massive bolder was gone, along with the body. Then Jesus showed up. Totally alive. They checked; ghosts don’t have scars, and they don’t breathe. It really was Jesus. Now, before you claim that this is impossible, remember that Jesus is still God. I’m pretty sure the God who created the entire universe could come back to life quite easily. There is plenty more evidence for this, and I will gladly discuss it with you. It’s real. Jesus is alive, and, forty days after his resurrection, He ascended to heaven to be with God.

So what does that mean to you? Why am I even telling you this? Well, here’s the best part: when Jesus came back to life, He proved that He had beaten death and hell. So the perfect God-man pays the ultimate price to free us of all the things we’ve done wrong. Our sin problem is fixed! There’s no catch; this is a gift. God, through Christ’s death and resurrection, has given you a way to be with Him in heaven for an eternity. All you have to do is accept that. It’s really quite simple. Admit you’re wrong, believe Jesus really did save you through His death and resurrection, and allow it to change your life. Place God in charge. I know that seems weird, but think about it. Jeremiah 29:11 states that God has a plan for your life. And, from experience, that plan is much better than anything else I’ve ever experienced. God isn’t going to set you up to fail. If He’s willing to send His son to die for you, He’s not going to turn around and screw your whole life over. That’s totally illogical. The reality is, He wants to use you to your full potential. And trust me, it’s way better than I could possibly describe it. I have this peace over my life. Something that nothing else has given me. I know that God is taking care of everything; I just have to trust Him.

So the choice, once again, is yours. You can surrender yourself to a God who knows every last detail about you and knows exactly why He created you and what you are meant to be, or you can try to live life on your own, where everyone is going to fail you at one point or another. Before you decide, I have one last request. Click on the link to The Story below. It will only take another five or ten minutes at most. Guys, this decision is important. We’re talking about eternity. We’re talking about your purpose on this earth. This isn’t minor stuff. And, if you have questions, just contact me. My info is on the top right corner of the page, or you can email me at colbyd3@colbyjdavis.com. Think about it.

So, following the bizarre antics (in which I take partial blame) that were a result of my previous post, I had a very long phone conversation with my former youth pastor, Nate. He had two recommendations. First, edit the post so that it is a little more… friendly. That would be my next task. The second recommendation, however, is much more feasible. So, without further ado, here is a repost of the letter to my wife, found at the end of that last post. Apparently it was pretty good. And hey, if you think it’s stupid, that’s cool. It’s just my heart. :)

Dearest ________,

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know where you are either. And, honestly, I can’t stand either one. But, it’s okay. God’s sending you in due time. We may have crossed paths already, or maybe we haven’t. I don’t know. I don’t have the slightest clue. I don’t think it really matters just yet. Right now, know this. I love you more than you can imagine, and God loves you far beyond that. Some days, I’m probably going to really screw things up. And there may be days where it takes everything within you to even talk to me. But I will always love you. I can promise you that. For better or for worse. Until death do us part. We’re going to make that vow to each other someday. I have no intent of saying that without some serious thought. We’re in this for life. It’s official. And we’ll make it count. Our mission? To glorify God. That’s the purpose of this relationship. That’s the purpose of our mere existence. What does that entail? Only God knows. But I’m excited. Why? Two reasons. One, Jeremiah 29:11; God’s plans are designed to prosper us, and not to harm us. And two, because it’s going to be with you. And something tells me that I will have no complaints about that whatsoever. So, until we meet (or discover our identities), I’ll be praying for you. And even then, I’ll still be praying for you. Because, after all, you’re going to be the second best thing that has ever happened to me (and you know the first).

Love, Colby

I just received a phone call informing me that my recent blog post was, apparently, offensive, and I was asked to remove it. I apologize to anyone who was unhappy with this post. Just know that, as a human being, we all go through different thoughts and feelings. I’m perfectly fine. I have my ups, I have my downs. Apparently, however, posting the downs is a bad thing. So, no more downs. Thanks. And I’m disabling comments on this post.

In spite of my horrible inability to maintain this blog, I intend to make some major formatting and layout changes fairly soon. Please excuse any awkward malfunctions and such. Also, excuse any ugliness that may ensue. Word. (Press.)

Colby

“Good God, if your song leaves our lips, if your work leaves our hands, then we will be wanderers and vagabonds.   They will stare and say how empty we are, how the freedom we had turned us up as dead men.  Let us be cold, make us weak.   Let us, because we all have ears.  Let us, because we all have eyes.   Good God, how they knew that this would happen; they knew, they knew that this would!  We’re so run down.   Good God, can you still get us home?  How can we still get home?   I’m not dreaming; we’re forgetting our forgiveness.”

That was the lyrics to “Too Bright to See, Too Loud to Hear” by Underoath.  If we lose track of who God is and what He has done, then we’re lost.  Simple as that.  We need God to break us down to the point where we need him, because we all know what He did for us.  Somehow, the world expected us, as Christians, to fail; they were banking on it.  But we’re so worn out, so what do they expect?  Can God still take us back?  Have we really, really forgotten what Christ did for us?  We… forgot.

I feel like I’ve prayed this prayer too many times.  The “my God, where have I been?” prayer (Underoath, “Desperate Times, Desperate Measures”).  I just… take this all for granted.  God gave me a gift, Jesus Christ, and I’ve just kind of blown it off.  Then something happens that gets me thinking, and I get to such a low that suddenly I’m screaming those words.  And it’s then that I realize it: I’m forgetting my forgiveness.  So I repent, truly repent, and God forgives.  He always does.  So if I’m truly repenting, then why do things seem to go back downhill?  Why is there still a cycle?  Am I that self-centered?  I’m just so worn out… so tired.  The world, it’s messing with me.  It wears on my mind, my heart.  So what do I do now?

God, fix me.  I don’t understand why I allowed myself to get here, but I hate it.  God, I need your help, because there’s no way I can do this myself.  It’s impossible.  It seems like every time things start to go well, I begin to rely on my own strength.  What strength?  I’m weak.  I can’t do anything on my own.  Who was I kidding?  Forgive me for being selfish.  Forgive me for focusing on Colby Davis.  Without you, I’m nothing, but “I can do all things through [you], who strengthens me,” (Philippians 4:13, ESV).  I want to start over.  I know you’ve forgiven me for my mistakes, but help me to see that, day in and day out.  Help me to forget me and seek you instead.  You told me you know what you intend to do with my life and that I’m a part of your plan (Jeremiah 29:11).  So screw my plans.  There doesn’t even seem to be much hope in them.  But in you, I can find hope and peace.  In you, I can be free.  Free of worry and pain and anger and depression and fear and anxiety and all the other crap I deal with.  I know that for a fact, so help me to remember it.  There’s a few billion people in this world who have no true hope, and I have a chance to give them that hope.  Give me the courage to take that chance!  ”Consume me from the inside out,” (Hillsong United, “From the Inside Out”).  In Christ’s name, amen.

Wow.  Basically, if you’re even still reading, that wasn’t planned.  I was more content with sulking.  But I couldn’t sit there and write about how I was “forgetting my forgiveness” without remembering it again.  Christ died for me, because of something I did, and I can’t simply ignore that.  That would be foolish.  So what about you?  Yeah, you’ve probably done some serious stuff.  Maybe stuff that you feel you can’t be forgiven for.  Maybe you’re the one asking, “how can [I] still get home?”  Or maybe you think you’re doing great.  You aren’t very messed up at all.  You can rely on yourself.  Well, you just saw me experience both.  It comes down to this: I’m messed up because I’m a human being.  Regardless of whether I’m a goody-two shoes or a serial killer, God sees me in the same way as both Billy Graham and Adolph Hitler: a sinner.  You’re in the same boat.  But God sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die for you and pay that death penalty so that you, (insert name), could go to heaven and spend an eternity there.  No matter how good you’ve been, you still deserve an eternity in hell (a very real place); yet no matter how bad you’ve been, you can still reserve your spot in heaven (also a very real place).  If you haven’t done this yet, I encourage you, no, I urge you, to do so.  Believe what Christ did for you, and let it change your life for the better.  If you have questions, PLEASE contact me at colbyd3@gmail.com or visit this website: http://www.eeinternational.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=31469.  I guarantee you will start to see some amazing things happen.

For those of you who already truly believe that Jesus Christ is your one and only Savior, that’s awesome!  Now what are you doing about it?  Maybe you’re in seminary, or on the mission field, or leading a Bible study, or witnessing to friends, and that’s all great!  Or maybe you don’t really feel like a Christian at all.  Maybe you feel fake.  Well, you aren’t alone.  Recent polls suggest that only 8-10% of Christians actually share their faith on a regular basis.  That means that between 90-92% of true believers do not. More times than not, I have been in that second group.  I’ve hit my dry spells, but God always takes me back and can do the same for you.  Regardless of which category you fall into, this is a perfect reminder of what Christ did for us.  And yeah, the first time I saw it a couple years ago, I cried too.

This took place back in September, and they have finally allowed it on YouTube. I have no clue what made them change their minds, but check it out:

Some videos from one of the best shows I have ever seen.  At the Lincoln Theater in Raleigh, NC, on November 22, 2009.